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Introspection - The tissue of the Tears of Zorro [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
tearsofzorro

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Introspection [Jul. 20th, 2006|01:59 am]
tearsofzorro
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Some things that have occured to me over the last while (in no particular order):

  • My mood definately depends on how many greens I eat. I discovered this after eating an apple for the first time in a few days. A few slices of pepper (i.e. half a pepper) doesn't cut it. Shortly after, I consumed a mandarin (of the non-meat kind - I prefer cantonese if I had to eat asian people) and then a raw scallion.


  • I've noticed myself falling into some very odd modes over the last while. Reason? Mainly that they're somehow comfortable - if not comfortable, then at least worn-in. I noticed it about half a week back... I started to feel like I did when I was a teenager. Basically I've gone through a lot of phases that I thought were behind me.

    One of the most recent was the thought of leetness... although I only really use the word in a self-derogatory sense. Basically, since my exams I've realised that college has, in fact, presented me with the necessary resources to learn what any self-respecting computer scientist needs to know. I.e. the basics. As a result, I can actually pick up papers and the like and understand them quite well. I think the maladjusted haxor-wannabe that was me in my teens has realised this and is trying to take full advantage. As a result, I'm spending a lot of my time reading papers like phrack's old smash-the-stack paper, or reading up on how an xss attack is actually performed, rather than just reading security bulletins that mention what software is affected and through which vector without any details, and looking on at the bulletin as if the methods are arcane and hidden.


  • It's so easy for me to fall back into unhealthy habits. Not just what I do, but how I think about myself, and how I think about my place in things. I'm not going to get into it, but I reckon that again, they happen because they're worn-in. There again, I haven't had many vegetables recently.


  • I really want to just pull bits of me together... I'm being very magpie-like at the moment. I'm not spending near enough time on one thing to do it properly, instead I'm just time-slicing on an n-task queue where n is tending towards infinity. I.e. the "ooh shiny" effect. I really need to sit down and finish a coupla things. It'll do the soul some good methinks.


On reflection, that's pretty much all one point broken up, isn't it?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: nycelle
2006-07-20 07:36 am (UTC)
I always do things in that weird, fragmented way. Sometimes it can be really rejuvenating to focus on several things at once, because each individual thing seems less crucial and more fun :)
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[User Picture]From: nanocreturns
2006-07-20 11:12 am (UTC)
I'm chosing to call this the quarter-life crisis. Sometime in our twenties we regress about five or so years into whiney teenagers, at least inside our heads.

It's been happening to me too. Mostly, I'm feeling a sense of suffocation I haven't felt since I was 18.
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From: aish_chai
2006-07-20 01:12 pm (UTC)
If you have a chance, you should check out Erickson's theory on stages of development. That quarter life crisis is really about integrating yourself, your ambitions, your sense of self.

Seriously, check it out.
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