|Stick a fork in me...
||[May. 27th, 2006|01:44 am]
I'm beyond caring. My exams are done (since wednesday) and right now I just want to curl up. I feel burnt. I feel absolutely drained.
Very very little has gone right this semester... mostly through fault of my own.
The three good things I can mainly say I can particularly think of this semester: 1/ I landed Sun. 2/ Time with Kara was fun. 3/ Hippy Trippy weekend right at the end of the lectures, and I stopped being pagansoc auditor. Beyond that... I've managed to enter into a stupor of mindless self-indulgence, slip massively in my work, not only letting down myself but others. Moreover, right now, I'm happy to drop that project like a hot rock now that the final marks are doled out. Our TA wants to see a working result, but I think the only person who wants to turn it out is Cheryl-Anne. Part of me wants to work on it, but whatever motivation I had, I lost once I did that last exam. It'll show in my mark too, but what sign of professionalism is that? Normally, I'd want that job done. Normally, I care about these projects. Instead, I went pretty flacid on the whole issue in general. So, as part of a team, I really didn't pull my weight.
There's more going inside my head.
I feel like I'm in the process of alienating my friends. The people in my year that I like will be graduating a year earlier than me. A lot of the people I started with in 1st year will probably be gone by the time I get back. I know there's the postgrad route, but the more I think about it the less likely it seems that most of the people I'm thinking of will move onto postgraduate study.
So, chances are, a lot of the people I know won't be around when I'm back from Sun and hitting final year. Does it really matter? Won't I be holed up in the lab anyway? Probably not... but it's nice to stop and have coffee with people every so often.
Basically, I'm gonna miss people. I'm gonna do my best to keep in touch... but then, I tried that when I was in Motor Tax too.
I think a lot of this is just college stress talking... but it's still something I worry about a bit.