|The madness begins
||[Dec. 21st, 2005|04:34 pm]
It's heart-warming stories like this, that prove it is indeed possible! Reach for the stars! Not your wallet!
The charity pledge collection world was thrown into turmoil this week as a man revealed he had walked the full length of a major Dublin street without being approached by a single charity collector.
“I was just walking down Nassau St minding my own business” said Stuart Murphy, a 26 year old IT worker from Blackrock, “when all of a sudden I realised none of those charity guys in the bright jackets had asked me for a few moments of my time.” Disturbingly, Stuart was not even speaking on his mobile phone as he proceeded unmolested down the bustling thoroughfare. He related how he was “pretty freaked out at first. I was a bit disoriented, you know, but I soon regained my bearings.”
The charity collection firm whose agents completely failed to buttonhole Stuart on the quarter mile stretch was in crisis mode this week. Bill Russell, spokesman for PEST (Pledge for Equality Subscription Teams), commented: “We are taking this incident very seriously indeed. A full internal investigation is underway and no stone will be left unturned until we find out exactly what happened here.”
Mr Russell continued: “I’d like to reassure members of the public that this is an isolated incident. Our pledge collection teams are highly trained specialists in the arts of simpering, establishing eye contact at 40 paces and delivering unfailingly cheerful salutations. We have even developed a system of semaphore to bring our collectors into the eye-line of those who gaze at the ground.”
However, Mr Russell admitted that PEST is considering changing its pledge collection tactics in the light of the revelation. “We usually deploy six collectors in a 2-2-2 formation on Nassau St but we’ve been toying with the idea of deploying all six in a line across the full width of the footpath. Three would face east and three would face west. They’d lock arms, of course.”