||[Mar. 1st, 2005|12:36 pm]
|||||torn in many directions||]|
So, I'm currently having dreams which seem very, very realistic. They confuse me. They confuse me greatly.
I suppose the fact that I'm off hormones doesn't help - making me irritable and horny. And when dreams start playing with this it screws things up a hell of a lot!
Ever have those dreams where, they feel realistic until you wake up, and in those dreams you've done what you wanted to do for a while, or that you've gotten something that was missing or basically where some goal was achieved? Yeah, I had one of those last night/this morning. Basically it involves a girl in CS that I like rather a lot... basically where I had the chance to tell I like her. Well, not that I had the chance, but that I took the chance.
Of course the reasons I don't are for other reasons. Reason number 1, I'm a fucking tranny. Reason number 2, she's straight (at least from what I gather... she might be bi, but never said). Do I really want to be a boyfriend? Really? The only area where I'm not really out as trans is CS. I dunno why, but I'm not. I just don't really see why they need to know. Ok, George knows, but I don't know if she does.
So, yeah. I had a dream that I told her, and she liked me too. That was nice. Then I woke up.
I feel like an emotional retard.