||[Jun. 18th, 2016|03:25 am]
So... that thing that I've been working towards for the last month has happened. And I'm back tonight.|
And that impostor syndrome I talked about a few nights ago. I did some serious work on the task at hand that night, and was able to get something working at roughly the same time as everyone else. Then I was able to give a demo. I wasn't confident in my grasp of the tech. I was confident of my presentation skills once I got on stage. I pitched to the right level, and held the room with my performy/toastmastery skills.
The instructor called it, "One of the best text-only demos I've seen". He even said he might steal some ideas from the demo. Then it was back to other work.
And today, I felt it again. We had to do a "Mock Engagement" over the last couple of days. I was tempted to work on it last night, but decided to eat, sleep and decompress instead. At about 4pm, the instructor commented that I looked like I was about to collapse with stress. I'd gone from sorting one issue which had plagued me before lunch, to another. I was sinking time into it with nothing to show. The deadline was looming. Eventually, I packed it in, sent up the stuff I'd done, and went to get my bag and get on the tube to the airport.
It's weird, I feel like I've done better on the soft skills than on the tech.
It just feels weird to have access to their repos, and to have an email address with them, and their communication channels, and I still don't even know if I should be there.
Part of me is saying, "This isn't a pass/fail thing; you're in, but it depends on how much work you need to do before you get there". And part of me thinks that they'll turn around and say, "well, we're taking this back". Or that I won't get time to work on this again. Or... I just don't know. That I go to a customer and freak the fuck out. I just don't know.
Hopefully, I'll feel better about this. But right now... my mind is wibble.