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The other side-effect of energy work - The tissue of the Tears of Zorro [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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The other side-effect of energy work [Dec. 17th, 2015|02:04 am]
[mood |giddy-confused]

So... I don't even know how to write about this one. Like, I really just don't have the mental tools.

This happened yesterday, on the day of 1 hour sleep, and a general energetic overload.

Look, I really don't have the tools to even serialise this. When it comes to anything even remotely romantic, I turn into the hypothetical person described by Neil Gaiman. Yeah, I'm not a writer, but I live in my head a lot, and I just never really had the experience to actually judge the difference between "Oh, they're being nice" and "Oh, I think they might like-like me". So I err on the side of caution, and write off any thoughts of someone being interested in me... and that's even if it even registers beyond "Oh, they're being nice". In other words, I'm fucking oblivious.

I am pretty certain you have a better chance of seducing a brick than me.

Also, it doesn't help that I just don't know what to do on the rare occasion that I think someone might actually like me.

Anyway, on that day, the no-sleep day, the day where I thrust myself into human functioning by force of will. The day where no coffee could save me, but no coffee was needed. The day I was supercharged. At the end of that day, I finished off some work, in a quiet office, and noticed someone at her desk. She works for our client - she's the one I talked to at lunch last month. She was obviously up in Dublin for the day, but I was surprised she stayed that late (it was nearly 7pm), because most people on an off-site visit just come up until about 4pm, maybe 5pm and then travel back to whatever county they live in.

So I wander over and ask why she's here so late. Turns out she likes the quiet and lack of interruptions in our office. Cool.

We chat a little bit. She sticks her tongue out to express disgust with something. For some reason I found it cute. I realise she if she was here to do work, I might be interrupting, so I offer to go. She says its ok. We chat a bit more. Conversation tapers off. Then, she asked somewhat hopefully, "Will I see you at lunch tomorrow?"

I felt unreasonably happy with this. I told her she would. Then I tottered off feeling a mixture of giddy and "What the fuck? Was that what I thought it was?"

Then I realised that recent events slightly shifted me up along the gray-sexual spectrum. So I started thinking, "Am I overthinking this?". Then realised it probably didn't matter for all sorts of reasons (us being colleagues on the same project, even if she works for the client, is one of them). Still, I enjoyed the feeling.

Today. I hoped to see her in the canteen. I didn't. She was busy.

Then I went to meeting. She was using the room before us. She spotted me, and she waved a cheerful little wave. I waved back. I felt giddy.

My head is made of fuck.

[User Picture]From: apocalypskorch
2015-12-17 01:13 pm (UTC)
I will take this moment to quote something from an entry you made several years back (possibly 7 or 8 years) that has stayed with me for some reason.


I may be paraphrasing.
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[User Picture]From: tearsofzorro
2015-12-30 07:27 pm (UTC)
Ah yes. I actually remember posting that. I think I'd just gotten a chunk of work done on my second year programming project, and I was wired to the gills on Dunne's Stores own-brand energy drink.

This was a very different buzz. :)
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From: chebe
2015-12-18 02:32 pm (UTC)
Yay super happy flirty feels! Boo to the head-fuckery. Still, :)
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[User Picture]From: tearsofzorro
2015-12-19 11:30 pm (UTC)
You know, that comment has helped me more than you might think. "Yay super happy flirty feels!" is exactly just that.

Right now, I don't have to think any more than that. The happy flirty feels are fun, and there's no pressure beyond that right now.

The rest of the headfuckery is my general, and chronic, overthinking. :)

Thank you. :)
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