||[Dec. 1st, 2008|01:59 am]
Note: I've devised a new icon - if you see this, I'm pretty much running off a train of thought without explaining the origins or specifics. Don't expect much from what I'm saying. Also, I might use words that have a very specific meaning to me, and not what they mean in the OED - live with it.
Without trying to sound conceited, the power of my mind surprises me sometimes. Talking to a colleague in work, he mentioned that he holds himself to Standards... it doesn't mean he holds anyone else to them, but he holds them for himself. I do the same in some areas, and I'm sure I'm not alone.
Talking about this, I remembered some things that I hold myself to. They were set at an age when I didn't always understand what I setting myself, but they were Solid in my world. What surprises me is that they're still Solid in my world, despite a lot of other things not being quite so fixed in my world. These Standards are Promises I made, and now I wonder if each one wasn't a Geasa in itself. One such Geasa was to come to pass 2 years ago - I believed that I had done enough to let it rest, but it slowly became apparent that it wasn't the case. Looking back, I don't think I met my own Standards, despite telling myself and others that it was ok.
What surprises me is that I wove that Geasa so tightly that I couldn't let myself forget - strangely, it was a revised one, but revised only so that it became tighter. Now, I'm wondering if the changes I'm experiencing, and drives towards further change that I feel are part of that particular Geasa? Am I being lenient or harsh? Am I letting myself off with a warning, subject to penance and correction of the situation, or will even the changes brought about still require the payment for failure that I once promised?
Maybe it's time to see if someone can't work with me to help loosen these bonds... just in case.