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Geasai - The tissue of the Tears of Zorro [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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Geasai [Dec. 1st, 2008|01:59 am]
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Note: I've devised a new icon - if you see this, I'm pretty much running off a train of thought without explaining the origins or specifics. Don't expect much from what I'm saying. Also, I might use words that have a very specific meaning to me, and not what they mean in the OED - live with it.

Without trying to sound conceited, the power of my mind surprises me sometimes. Talking to a colleague in work, he mentioned that he holds himself to Standards... it doesn't mean he holds anyone else to them, but he holds them for himself. I do the same in some areas, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

Talking about this, I remembered some things that I hold myself to. They were set at an age when I didn't always understand what I setting myself, but they were Solid in my world. What surprises me is that they're still Solid in my world, despite a lot of other things not being quite so fixed in my world. These Standards are Promises I made, and now I wonder if each one wasn't a Geasa in itself. One such Geasa was to come to pass 2 years ago - I believed that I had done enough to let it rest, but it slowly became apparent that it wasn't the case. Looking back, I don't think I met my own Standards, despite telling myself and others that it was ok.

What surprises me is that I wove that Geasa so tightly that I couldn't let myself forget - strangely, it was a revised one, but revised only so that it became tighter. Now, I'm wondering if the changes I'm experiencing, and drives towards further change that I feel are part of that particular Geasa? Am I being lenient or harsh? Am I letting myself off with a warning, subject to penance and correction of the situation, or will even the changes brought about still require the payment for failure that I once promised?

Maybe it's time to see if someone can't work with me to help loosen these bonds... just in case.

[User Picture]From: nycelle
2008-12-02 08:49 am (UTC)
Yeah, some of the promises I made to myself when I was younger are stubbornly sticking around. Not ever becoming a teacher for reasons of principle, for example. I still hate myself for spending so long in an education system that I consider evil, and playing the game.

I'm not sure if this is good or bad, but I find these damned things very hard to shake off. I'm not trying very hard with the teacher one, though :)
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