||[May. 8th, 2005|12:32 am]
I've found I'm cutting my entries a lot. With the quizzes, it's just so I don't fill up lists for those dialup people (not many), the rest, I guess it's because it's probably dealing with something I don't want dumped on them unless they actually go to the effort of clicking on it. So, it's not that I don't want people looking at it, it's just that I reckon people don't have to look at it if they don't want to, and might contain material or sentiments that I know people don't need to see. Given that it's Exam Season - *Be vewy vewy kawai-ette I'm huwnting exawms. Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh* - I reckon any crap I want to spread is insignificant compared to others. They don't need mine, but if anyone wants to read it, they're more than welcome.
You know, I don't count myself as any sort of a minority. I mean, I won't go and say "I'm part of a minority". I've given up on it. I know that I actually could count myself as belonging to some - nerdy pagan tranny that wears a lot of black, listens to And One, and wants to write a mud in python. Maybe I've had a lot of practice, but I find it hard to figure out how in the hell some people can't handle the smaller minority statuses (Is there a nice plural for status? Seriously, I'd love to know, because "Statuses" just looks plain WRONG) and sometimes it's bugging. You're part of an invisible minority - well whoop-idy fucking do! You now belong to some oppressed group that people can't instantly recognise. Try the visible ones! Try the ones where it has a fucking impact on your life. Try the ones where you need a doctor. This isn't a More-Fucked-Than-Thou speech, because quite frankly I'm probably not. I've got things quite sweet at the moment - and the people I'm ranting about also do, but they're so caught up in being part of some minority for the first time in their lives that they feel like it's something that everyone must know. Speaking as someone who's been through enough of them - yes you're different. But then so is every single other person - even if they're in a majority, they're probably in a very unique situation that is making their lives less than pleasant.
Every single person is alone if they let themselves be.
There is probably someone who will understand something about what's going on for you. You just gotta find 'em. Then you're not alone. Then you have someone you can talk with. You might feel better then... just so long as you don't feed off each other's neuroses, you should do grand. Of course, the neuroses feeding is far too easy to do. You don't need a tin of food, and a tank to hold them in (I'm imagining neuroses as red fish-looking things but with a mouth like the plant in the Little Shop of Horrors - my mind has interesting images on occasion), just a head... well, two heads at least - so they have room to roam, otherwise you get complaints from some Neurosis Rights Action Group like PETA.
All of that notwithstanding - I'm letting myself feel alone right now. I'm a 23 year old mtf in Ireland. I don't actually know any mtfs my own age in Dublin any more. It'd be kinda nice to get to know some. Sure I can lay crap on my friends, but generally speaking, they won't get it. No offence, there's one person who will, but then I can't lay it on him all the time either. When it comes to the trans group, heh. No. I mean, they're nice and I'll go again when it's over, but wow do they let it control their lives! Younger trans people seem to get a grip on life/reality quicker.
Of course, the ones about my age are either not in Dublin, or not in the country. There might be a few about, but even then I don't even know how to get in contact with 'em. I'm moderator on an Irish trans mailing list and even then I can't find any. I miss that.
Of course, there is the possibility that BeLonGTo could have people, but christ I'd feel predatory going there! It's for 16 to 23 year olds, and while I'm 23, it's not something I'd say "Hmm, I'm on the edge of that age range, so I'll just stroll in there". I dunno, I'd like to go, but I just reckon I've been through too much to get involved with any youth groups except to facilitate, but I have no qualifications there, so I'll not be involved. Gah. It's just annoying. I'll get over it.
Of course, the amusing stuff, I'll keep out here. I don't know if people noticed, but there was some pretty heavy rain on Tuesday. Otherwise it was a lovely day. I was doing some study, and things were going well, and then I rememebered that it would probably be a very good idea to get exam drinks and mints. I have this routine of Lucozade sport and softmints - I picked up on the softmints from my mum who had them when she was studying for her B Ed - the Lucozade because it was suggested as good for enduring long Leaving Cert tests. It stood me well, so I started bringing it to uni exams since. It's still stood me well.
Now, I'd decided that I'd wear a fairly cool t-shirt I got in Sri Lanka reading "Only Elephants should wear ivory". The best thing about it was that it was light, and it was white, which isn't something I'd normally wear, but it means I don't get as hot, plus the lightness of it meant I could cool off easily.
Being sunny, I stroll out hunting my goods in just the tshirt and no coat or anything. Remember I mentioned that thunderstorm? Yeah. I noticed that when I was going to the shop hunting mints. I was about 5 minutes from my house when I heard the first roll of thunder. Doh. It looked like it was a long way away, and fortunately I was walking away from the storm. So, I finally hunted the mints and returned. Yeah, that bloody storm followed me, and I wasn't walking away any more.
2 minutes from the shop and the skies had opened and started their work. I was drenched very very quickly. Very quickly. One minute and I didn't need to bother stopping for shelter - what was the point? I was as soaked as I was going to be, so I might as well keep walking.
For anyone that hasn't seen me in the past couple of years: I wear mountain walking boots. Screw doc martins - they really do not seem to last halfway as long as they used to, so by the time you've broken them in, you have a month or two before you need to get new ones (as opposed to a couple of years I got from my first pair) - ok I do walk a fair bit, but not so much that it would be abnormal. So instead I go with mountain boots - they're generally more comfortable from the outset, designed to be durable and can take most environments... they're designed for walking in inhospitable weather while keeping the traveller's main assets (at least in this case) comfortable! Yeah, they lasted until about a minute before I got home. So they lasted a good 15 to 20 minutes, but the t-shirt on the other hand: 2 minutes and it was quite happily soaked.
It was at this point that I remembered that some light white materials - like cotton - can become quite see-through when wet. I also remembered that my mum was due home soon. So I'd enter, a drowned rat with a very wet tshirt leaving nothing on my torso to the imagination. Remember, I like to pretend that my parents don't know I'm on pills. If I look at it rationally, I couldn't be doing this for 2 years under their now, could I? But at the same time, if I am, I'm not going to give them a reason to look at my chest, especially if you could pretty much see through it.
Got home, with soaking feet, and drenched clothes, with my mum just home, when I rushed into the house and into the bathroom declaring I was taking a shower. This led to a message:
- White T-shirt
- 500 rupee
- 30 Euro
- Mountain boots
- 120 Euro
- Getting caught in a torrential thunderstorm and hopping into the shower before your mother realises your tshirt is now transparent
Point of information - the boots only dried out fully yesterday. Until then I was forced to wear runners. That was interesting.